The dreaded freshman fifteens are avoidable

Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor
Krayton Kerns

With summer slipping away, today’s column focuses on the dreaded freshman 15s. Yes, there are two. Few soon-to-be college freshmen consider the big 15s when pondering their future, but they should. First, I will chew the fat about the 15 with which you are familiar.
I groan when I hear advertisements warning of hungry children in America knowing the greatest public health threat to our poverty class is obesity. How ironic. Recent news reports suggest obesity also might be racist as 32 percent of whites are morbidly overweight, compared to 48 percent among blacks. Claiming they are “losing more people to sweets than to the streets,” two D.C. pastors, William Lamar and Delman Coates are suing Coca-Cola. With 15 percent of whites consuming one or more soft drinks per day compared to 20 percent for blacks, the pastors blame inner-city, soft drink advertising campaigns for their fat parishioners.
If soda pop is a major player in obesity and the freshman 15, negating those calories by switching to sugar-free, diet drinks should solve the problem. However, the University of Manitoba recently published a study showing those consuming chemically sweetened foodstuffs suffer an even greater incidence of obesity than the general population. Therefore, it is impossible for students surviving on the four dormitory food groups of Doritos, pizza, Diet Coke and television to avoid the dreaded freshman 15. On the bright side, 18-year-olds adding 15 pounds is a temporary inconvenience which can be corrected by adopting a no-sugar, no-flour ration upon graduation.
The second freshman 15, the $15,000 most students squander every year in college, is my real concern. Few millennials can petty cash 15K, so they default to the federal student loan program unknowingly imprisoning themselves to a lifetime of debt. The borrower is always slave to the lender and this brings me to my point.
Most college degrees are worthless; a truth which offends the perpetually offended. History, sociology, philosophy, literature, communications, psychology, anthropology, animal science and biology degrees strengthen one’s employment opportunities no more than a BA in angry women studies. Before you commit to decades of debt, study your job options upon graduation and if it doesn’t pay, don’t enroll. The best way to avoid the dangerous, second freshman 15 is to get a job, learn a trade, join the military, or start a business right out of high school. Contrary to what the ruling class tells you, many successful and intelligent people never set foot in a college indoctrination center.

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