When cowboy shorthand goes awry

Thursday, December 13, 2018
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Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor

Shipping and branding are labor intensive events where ranchers rely on a neighbor’s help. Haying season is equally taxing but since it requires weeks rather than days of hard labor it rarely utilizes neighbor reciprocity. This fall, my friend Steve thumbed through his neighbor list soliciting cowboys to help ship his calves. John manages a nearby ranch, if 40 miles can be considered nearby, and as Steve had previously helped John, he obliged Steve’s request for assistance. It was a cowboy conversation lacking fluff, color and seasoning and Steve gave the date and time followed by the specific request for John to oversee sexing the calves once they were corralled. For readers thinking your food comes from a forklift at Costco, sexing calves involves separating the steers from the heifers. Contrary to today’s trendy transgender tomfoolery, there is an inherent difference between the sexes and steers feed differently than heifers. John is a reliable, go-to kind of cowboy so on his day-book he scribbled a reminder regarding the scheduled event. All was well at this point, but things changed.

Several days later, John’s daughter glanced at her dad’s day book and spotted his barely legible and disjointed, October 12th, note for “Sex at Kukowskis.” Being electronically focused, she laughed, snapped a photo and posted it on social media. John received some good-natured ribbing and the story would have ended here had he not shared the event across the Kukowski dinner table on the shipping day in question. We all roared at John’s confession; one I am sure he regrets revealing because now it is in print from coast to coast. Funny stories are such because they either discretely poke fun at a subtle truth or are blatantly absurd. Two cowboys scheduling shipping-day sex on Pryor Creek fits squarely in the second category and this brings me to my point.

True progressives pride themselves on being perpetually offended so would find nothing humorous about John’s shorthand scribbles. To laugh would belittle the leftist’s fictitious heroes of Brokeback Mountain. Consistent with their rejection of normal lightheartedness and in keeping with the Christmas season, the ruling class recently deemed the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” as advocating sexually predation and the Charlie Brown Christmas special as racist. It surprises me any rational human being gives any credence to the opinions of the whiny politically correct crowd. It is perfectly fine to chuckle at human missteps and idiosyncrasies.

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