Venezuelan collapse provides vindication

Thursday, February 28, 2019
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Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor

Last Monday, the trophy wife shoveled the snow from the patio and driveway before mopping my muddy tracks from the hallway. I would have cleaned the tracks myself but mopping clearly is women’s work—a point I touch to trigger the haters. They are impervious to logic so need not read more. So, where did I find the mud? Yes, it is scarce during this second coldest February on record, but I was burning slash piles and had melted the frozen Montana tundra into an ashy mudhole or muddy ash-hole depending on your perspective. Walking home through the snow should have cleaned the muck from my Muck boots but such was not the case. I tried blaming the hallway tracks on my 18-monthold grandson, Conor, but the trophy wife was not having it.

Druann then tackled our overloaded pantry harboring 16 years-worth of canned-goods, dry-goods and non-food items too large for the junk drawer. I would have dismissed her burst of domestic energy as nesting, but it has been decades since we splashed around the gene-pool. While thinning things she tossed 12 cookbooks we had received as wedding gifts 40 years ago and explained Google has digitally deleted Betty Crocker as the go-to kitchen reference. Interestingly, she dusted and placed the “Entertaining with Insects” cookbook back in the pantry. Current events suggest this move could be clairvoyant.

Socialist Venezuelan President Maduro shot to power promising a tidal wave of free stuff. The unwashed swallowed it all but it was the last thing they would swallow. His policies quickly collapsed the Venezuelan economy, triggered nationwide food shortages and eventually rendered family pets as a last-ditch protein source for starving citizens. The scrawny little people lost 40 pounds whilst President Maduro’s thickened throatlatch grew daily. His stuffed appearance suggests this old boy’s serum cholesterol is surpassed only by his blood glucose. Under socialism, only the ruling class suffers obesity related disorders, and this brings me to my point.

Since March 1, 2006, I have warned readers Democrats are closet socialists thereby triggering their swooning followers to attack me. Today, Democrats are leaping from the closet publicly proclaiming themselves as Democrat Socialists with each trying to steer even farther left than their competition. This completely vindicates my ramblings. Were the Democrats to win control in 2020, America will plunge into the Venezuelan abyss. When you are starving and you have a hankering for some tasty cockroach cabbage rolls, thanks to the trophy wife, I have a cookbook which might interest you. Chew on that before you vote.


Have you attended a ball game or track meet this spring?

The Laurel Outlook


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